Picking your Divorce Method in Port Richmond Staten Island
The biggest mistake that people make when getting separated is that they fail to plan. They just choose to leave the relationship and then go into an awful and costly fight that winds up hurting everybody involved. There are some things that you could accidentally do that will make your divorce 100 times more unpleasant than it really has to be.
As with anything in life, you need to have a strategy. The same holds true for divorce. If you do not prepare for what you desire – opportunities are you won’t get what you want. The primary step towards having a plan is to understand precisely what you want. After you know what you desire you can plan to get it.
- Here is an exercise: (Get our a notepad and a pencil. Write the answers down to the following.)
- Choose just how much cash you want (reasonably) our of your divorce.
- Choose how frequently you want to see the kids (if you have any).
- Determine if the divorce will be uncontested or an all-out fight.
- Identify “when” you wish to be separated.
- Make a note of all the belongings that you desire (realistically).
- Write down any other ‘information’ that you desire established in your divorce.
Take a couple of minutes and try to put everything you can on this list. You will constantly have the ability to contribute to it later.
Now that you have actually made your list, go back and go over the list. Cross off everything on the list that isn’t worth fighting for, or doing the effort to get. You can conserve yourself a lot of trouble by knowing what not to fight for. If it truly isn’t worth it to you – then don’t stress over it.
Essential Note: The things that you crossed off the list as things you didn’t wish to defend are things that you can ‘pretend to be happy to fight for’! So when you negotiate in Port Richmond Staten Island you can point out that you have to have these things. Then you can “trade” them for more important things that you really want.
Now you have a list of everything that you desire. Make sure to include intangible things like “assurance”, and other concepts that aren’t associated with physical stuff. This is essential because you will be using this list to get everything you desire out of your Port Richmond Staten Island divorce.
Now you need to take your list and figure out a plan. So in Port Richmond Staten Island if you wish to get separated in 3 months, you should most likely already be contacting an attorney. This brings up another point. Selecting the incorrect legal representative can definitely devastate the whole divorce process for you. There is a method to select the ideal attorney however you can ask me about that later.
It is also important that you DON’T inform your partner that you want a divorce until you have followed the best actions to make sure all of your bases are covered. There might be some monetary things that you wish to look after BEFORE you tell your partner you want a divorce. If you just lose it and inform them you want a divorce in Port Richmond Staten Island, they will not let you change names on the home loan, automobile, examining account, etc.
So you require to plan ahead. If you can prepare ahead things will go smoother. Now if you are currently in the middle of a divorce, there are still things you can prepare for and other ways to get whatever you want likewise. You need access to come easy to use techniques that can help you negotiate for whatever you want in Port Richmond Staten Island. This short article does not cover those tactics because there are too many to list here. A crucial factor in your negotiating skills is making your partner think that they are getting a much better deal than you. There are methods to do this. If you can’t get them to believe they are getting a better offer, then you require to employ more powerful techniques to get what you want. You will have the ability to use the products that you crossed off of your list as take advantage of in your negotiations.
It is critically important that you plan for divorce in Port Richmond Staten Island with the ideal divorce technique. From the list you just made, you can make a comprehensive divorce technique of your own to get exactly what you desire from your divorce. You should likewise look for special methods that will speed up the results of your plan. If there is a manner in which you can use the experience of countless individuals to get results, you should do so. I am not saying this to be mystical. If you check out every last word of this post you will know where to find those resources.
Port Richmond Staten Island
How to Choose the Right Divorce Lawyer in New York
I recently overheard someone in a bookstore telling a group of people why they should not have their own attorneys, how they could not trust lawyers, how lawyers would cheat them and how they should rely upon the company the speaker belonged to instead. That conversation got me thinking about why people facing separation and divorce need not just any lawyer, but a good divorce lawyer.
Reason #1-What You need to know
You need to know your rights, duties and responsibilities under the law. Only a lawyer who has been retained to represent your interests can advise you. How can you realistically discuss financial arrangements in separating and divorcing, if you don't know what your rights, duties and responsibilities are? Not knowing what your rights are can result in not getting your fair share of assets, your fair share of support or your fair share of time with your children. Not knowing what your duties and responsibilities are can result in your paying more than your fair share of assets or your fair share of support. Most attorneys offer a special reduced rate for consulting services to encourage people to get advice early and often. There is no reason to rely on backyard fence advice, when you can get real advice from a qualified experienced divorce lawyer for a reasonable fee. Furthermore, in my experience, the backyard fence advice is usually wrong. Remember that if what you hear is half true, it is still wrong.
Reason #2-Backyard Advice
My friend is divorced. Why can't I rely on my friend's experience and knowledge. Well, you could do that but what you need to realize is that unless your friend is a licensed attorney, he/she is not authorized to practice law. Your friend's knowledge will be limited to his/her particular experience. His/her experience with the law is limited to the facts of his/her case and the law as it was at the time. Things change. The law changes. Any change in the facts will change the outcome or advice. Furthermore, changes in the law will change the advice. Your friend simply lacks the knowledge and experience to give sound practical legal advice.
Reason #3-Identifying Issues
The sooner you get a lawyer, the sooner you will learn what you need to know to protect yourself (and your children and property interests). Sometimes people have no idea how to go about identifying the issues they need to discuss, even if the separation is an amicable one and the parties anticipate a "friendly divorce." A good, experienced divorce lawyer can assist you in identifying the issues you need to discuss with your spouse to achieve a comprehensive agreement and global settlement. Over the years there have been numerous times when we were able to point out to clients areas they had initially overlooked and issues which should be included in their settlement discussions, such as life insurance, health insurance, and children's educational needs.
Reason #4-To Share or Not to Share?
My spouse already has an attorney. Do I really need to get one too? Can't the same lawyer represent us both? The answer is no, not really. 30 years ago when I first began practicing law, it was strictly forbidden for a lawyer to represent both sides to a divorce, no matter how "friendly" it was. There are some limited circumstances in which dual representation might be allowed, provided there is full disclosure of potential conflicts of interest and a waiver of conflicts with informed consent by both parties. These situations are limited and in the event that unhappy differences or disputes should arise, the attorney must end the representation and both parties must seek new counsel. Frankly, we rarely if ever agree to dual representation. We represent our clients zealously within the bounds of the law and the conflicts in representing opposing sides are too apparent for us to agree to do so. Not only that, but if your spouse has a lawyer, that means that he/she has already sought legal advice and has some rudimentary knowledge of his/her rights, duties and responsibilities under the law.
Someone once said knowledge is power. Would you rather be the one with the knowledge (and the power) or the one without knowledge? How trusting can you be of your spouse or his/her attorney in the circumstances? Remember that your spouse's attorney already represents your spouse. In our experience, spouses, especially those who tend to be controlling will think nothing of misrepresenting the law to gain advantage in the negotiation. Recently a client told me that her husband who remains in the marital home told her that she was now his "landlord" and therefore she could not re-enter the home without his consent and presence and that his lawyer said so. Needless to say, everything he told her was wrong. Her husband also told our client that they did not need to use lawyers and could reach an agreement on their own without lawyers. He also said that if she insisted on having her attorney review paperwork before she signed it that he would find something to disagree with on each draft to drive up her costs. Clearly he was trying to manipulate, intimidate and control his wife, who was wise to seek her own independent counsel from a knowledgeable, experienced divorce attorney.
Reason #5-Do You Feel Lucky?
Going to a court hearing in a pending divorce without a lawyer is like playing Russian Roulette. How lucky do you think you are? Would you perform surgery on yourself or would you seek out a qualified surgeon? Why do you think that you know enough to represent yourself in court? Do you know what your rights, duties and responsibilities are? The judge won't help you out if you don't know what you are doing. There are rules of evidence and rules of procedure that govern hearings. You need someone on your team that knows the rules of the game. You will need someone to prepare you for your testimony in court so that you don't put your feet in your mouth up to your hip bone. You will be bound by the things that come out of your mouth in court. Recently we spoke to a man who incurred spousal and child support obligations of $4000 per month. The court issued an order based on erroneous exhibits filed by his wife's attorney and based upon things he said in open court as to his income which were not accurate. A skilled trial attorney can get you to say things that you don't mean to say, especially if you have not been prepared for your testimony.
Reason #6-Too Little, Too Late
Going to see a lawyer after you have already signed papers or participated in depositions or hearings pro se (representing yourself) is like closing the barn door, after the cow got out. Just because you were not represented does not mean that you can get out of a bad decision or bad deal you may have made or get out of rulings the court made when you were unrepresented. The time to get advice is before you sign. The time to get advice is before you go to court. In fact, you should get advice as soon as you receive legal notice of a pending lawsuit against you.
If you are reading this and you have already signed papers, you should still consult with a good experienced divorce attorney to have the papers explained to you and to review t he papers to see if there are any loopholes that may be used to renegotiate terms move favorably to you or to insist upon "clarification" of the agreement. The attorney can also explain the consequences of having signed the paperwork.
If you are reading this and you are in the midst of a divorce action and have been to depositions on your own, you should seek an immediate consultation with a good experienced divorce attorney to see if there is any legal basis to suppress the depositions. Be sure to take all of your documents with you to the consultation. We have seen situations where it was possible to reopen a case for a client because the depositions were taken too early. In such situations, the depositions were quashed by filing the appropriate papers under the rules of court. In your case it may be too late to do anything, but you should at least talk to a divorce attorney right away to be sure.
Reason #7-Isn't a Lawyer a Lawyer? (A Rose by Any Other Name...)
I know a lawyer who did the closing on our house. Can't I go to him/her for advice about separation and divorce? Yes, you could but there is a saying that if the blind lead the blind, they both fall in a ditch. Would you go to a podiatrist (foot doctor) if you had an eye infection? You could; after all, the podiatrist went to medical school and learned about the body, including the eyes. The questions are how much, if anything does he/she remember, is he/she current on the medical literature pertaining to the eye and infection, including the diagnosis and treatment of the eye? I have seen horrendous separation agreements prepared by lawyers who do not devote at least a significant portion of their practice to family law but were trying to accommodate a friend or relation in their time of need. Actually a lawyer should decline a case, if he/she does not believe that he/she has the knowledge and experience to handle it or that he/she is not willing to acquire the knowledge necessary to handle it.
It takes a significant amount of time to keep up with all of the changes in the law that affect separation and divorce. Think about it. Every week somewhere there is a court, either federal or state making a decision that could affect your situation. Every week that the legislature is in session, whether Congress or the General Assembly, they make decisions that could affect your situation. An experienced divorce attorney should make it a point to review new cases and statutes looking for those that affect family law practice; all of the best family lawyers do.
Reason #8-Prepaid Legal?
If you have paid for this service, then certainly you can talk to one of the participating attorneys. But unless the attorney is an experienced divorce lawyer with a significant portion of his/her practice devoted to separation and divorce and related issues, you should give serious consideration to looking outside of your prepaid plan. Has the lawyer written any books or articles on separation, divorce or related issues that are published? I am not a participating attorney in a pre paid legal plan. The best divorce lawyers are not participants in "prepaid" legal. To my knowledge there are no fellows (members) of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers who participate in pre paid legal services plans. If you are reading this report and have personal knowledge of an attorney who belongs to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and also belongs to a pre paid legal plan, please email us at email@example.com to report the name of the attorney so that we can verify the information and update this report.
Think about what is at stake; the custody and support of your children, and the division of assets you may have worked your entire married life to accumulate, including your home, pension, savings, military retirement and/or 401K. Do you really want to cut corners when it comes to your kids? Your home? Your pension? Your retirement?
Reason #9-A Ship Needs a Navigator
If you think of your legal case as a ship, the client is the captain of the ship and the client's attorney is the navigator. The navigator doesn't decide where to go, but he/she does map out the best course to arrive at the destination. Divorce is difficult, even "friendly" divorce is not easy. It can be an emotional rollercoaster. You need emotional, psychological and legal support. In choosing to separate and divorce, you will be faced with important decisions that will affect you, your spouse and your children not only now but in the foreseeable future. Passions can run hot during this difficult time and you need a clear head. You need a team of individuals including someone knowledgeable in separation and divorce law to help you see clearly and navigate the difficult and sometimes angry waters of separation and divorce.
Not having a good divorce lawyer at the planning and separation stage leaves you without the sound advice and rational third party perspective you need to make decisions which can bind you for life. Not having a good divorce lawyer at the divorce stage leaves you without the knowledge, experience and advocacy of a good experienced divorce attorney. It leaves you at the mercy of your spouse and your spouse's attorney. Neither your spouse nor his/her attorney is there to show you mercy. You need someone to fight for you when you cannot fight for yourself. You need someone to help you understand what is gong on and how to act in the storm.
You need someone who can help you to be pro-active and not simply re-active to steps that your spouse takes. You want a team to support you, a team which can and should include your pastor, rabbi or spiritual advisor, your CPA or tax advisor, extended family, friends and a good experienced divorce attorney.
Reason #10-You Need an Advocate
You are going through a traumatic experience. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences in life, second only to the death of a spouse. You need someone who understands what is at stake and will advocate for your interests with not only knowledge and experience but passion and feeling. When you interview attorneys, find out why they practice family law and what motivates them in advocating for clients. What is it that makes them passionate advocates? I recently spoke with another trial attorney who does not generally handle divorce work. He usually handles criminal and traffic defense and civil suits for money damages; he told me that he was forced by the poor economy to take a contested divorce case. Divorce and family law are not his first choice of trial work. He is doing it now solely for the money. Is that the motivation you would want in your attorney? Or would you rather have a lawyer who has made a conscious decsion to focus on family law and uses his/her life experience such as knowing what it is like to be a child of divorce to relate to the circumstances of your case and to advocate for you with passion and conviction?
Port Richmond Staten Island
Unfortunately the chances of a married couple splitting up gets higher each year so hiring a divorce lawyer is the next crucial step; some guidelines on what to look for are listed below:
- Fully qualified to deal with your case
- Have the correct bearing for this type of work
- A conscientious person
The best attorney to employ is one who, for at least half their time, is dealing with divorce cases and is fully skilled in mediation techniques. They will need to be someone in whom you can place your trust and feel comfortable working with so if these criteria cannot be met then you will need to look elsewhere.
Mediation minded attorneys are more likely to give you problem solving advice, whereas traditional attorneys tend to be more oriented to conflict and their advice tends to be adversarial. The most important thing is to be very well prepared whenever you contact your divorce lawyer so know your facts, what you want to ask about and exactly what you want the lawyer to explain or do for you.
Plan each conversation by making an agenda and write down the things you want to talk about; take notes on the content of the conversation and the amount of time spent on phone calls. Try to keep actual meetings to a minimum and where points have to be clarified, use the phone or send a letter.
Remember you divorce attorney is there for their expertise in the field and not to act as a counselor, you should hopefully be able to use people close to you for that. Never trouble your divorce lawyer with trivial matters that do not directly concern the divorce.
The most important aspect for you to get sorted out is the control of the situation which should be yours and then you will be able to use your lawyer more effectively. If they are there purely to act in accordance with the legal issue of divorce it will be more efficient utilization of their services and you will be making the decisions. Ask that you be sent copies of all documents and letters and let them know that you expect phone calls to be answered by the next working day after all you are the one paying the bills.
If money is an issue, it may be a preferable for you to only contact a lawyer for legal advice on a marital settlement but not representation. You may decide to carry out research first before you contact them, only asking your lawyer questions you have not been able to find answers too. Some people only use a divorce lawyer to re-read and check a marital settlement they have drafted on their own but at least these people have the backup of using a lawyer if all else fails.
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